Growing from Guilt - Part One
Monday, October 4th 2010 @ 2:53 PM
The ministry the Lord has called Stephen and me to in reaching the homosexual for Christ has to be one of the most difficult ministries one can be involved in. Yet without question, my tenure here at SBM has been one of the most rewarding, personally fulfilling and faith-building experiences in my life thus far.
I have seen prodigal sons, daughters, spouses and loved ones steeped in all types of sin, forsake their sinful lifestyles, receive or return to Jesus Christ and return home to their families. The miracles, joy and rejoicing that these families have experienced - and I have been blessed to witness - makes the hard and trying times of this ministry all well worth it.
My calling and passion at SBM - in addition to evangelizing, reaching and ministering to homosexual men and women - is ministering to and praying with the many brokenhearted parents, spouses, family members and friends who have a prodigal loved one in the lifestyle.
Being a mother myself, I understand a parent's unconditional selfless love, as well as the heartbreak caused by a child who goes astray. Yet I also know the mighty power and amazing grace of our Heavenly Father. I have experienced how He, beyond the most impossible human circumstances and conditions, can turn a prodigal son's or daughter's heart to Him, and do the absolute miraculous! I also know how important prayer is. Prayer is such a vital component to this entire restoration process.
While praying for a prodigal loved one, many parents will come to question the job they've done raising their child - wondering whether they were too strict or too lenient. Many blame themselves or even their spouse for being unavailable emotionally or physically, possibly being even too harsh or judgmental. Many look back and blame themselves for circumstances which they wish they could change today. Yet each day, many remain trapped in the past and continue to beat themselves up.
And then comes the guilt. Paralyzing - even crippling guilt, flooding over every aspect of their being.
Most parents of prodigals will go through this guilt stage. Parents will heap the bricks of guilt, self-blame and shame on their shoulders until they collapse. Self-blame and guilt is not healthy nor is it productive.
Yet if there is one positive thing that can come out of this inevitable guilt stage, it can be sincere godly reflection. This type of reflection can not only be positive and healthy, but even life changing and circumstance changing.
Reflection on our past choices and actions can be a positive step because when done with a humble, contrite and teachable spirit, it will help us to grow and mature not only as a parent, but also as a child of God. And when we grow, sometimes others around us not only see and experience our growth, but many times grow themselves as well.
Let us never let go of the fact that we are all a work in progress. We should take advantage of this "reflective" opportunity to allow the Lord to mold us into the person He wants us to be. The Holy Spirit will enlighten areas where we need to fully submit to Christ. Because of this, we have the hope and assurance that we will not be the same person tomorrow that we are today. Nor will we be the same individual next week or even next year. There is always additional work that the Holy Spirit wants to do in each one of us to conform us more into the image of Jesus Christ.
We need to be careful as our potential for spiritual growth may be thwarted if we dwell on feelings of blame and guilt. Some parents allow themselves to be imprisoned by their guilt and becomes to slaves to it - stunting them from moving forward. Carrying this burden will only add additional bricks to our shoulders and intensify the sadness within our heart.
In previous week's blog posts, I've already discussed how God does not condemn us, so neither should we condemn ourselves. If the Lord has shown us an area of sin or a mistake that we may have made in relation to the raising of our child, we can learn from it, repent of it, ask for forgiveness of those we may need to and move on.
I realize this may be easier said than done. Some may feel that they have caused their child to either turn away from the Lord or even blame themselves for their prodigal living the lifestyle they are currently living. We should never blame ourselves for the choices our child has made. No parent is perfect and neither are our children.
Adam and Eve lived in the perfect environment, the Garden of Eden. God walked with them and you can say He was and still is the only perfect parent (Father.) Yet Adam and Eve willingly chose to turn away from their Heavenly Father and sin. They made this choice after being tempted by Satan. Adam and Eve lost so many blessings when they chose sin which affected all of mankind - even us today.
However, in spite of their disobedience to our Heavenly Father, our loving Lord made a way through His one and only begotten Son, Jesus Christ for all of us to be reconciled back to Him.
So let us not second guess ourselves with thoughts about what we should have or could have done differently. Nothing you've done can stop God's desire and plan to bring your prodigal loved one to Himself. He loves your prodigal even more than you ever can and He loves you with an everlasting, perfect love.
Some parents feel so guilty they have said, "I should have never had kids!" or "I failed as a mother or father." STOP! Never think or say that! You can be sure that the Lord specifically chose your child for YOU.
Some of you may have biological children and some may have big enough hearts to have adopted. No matter how your child came to you, it is His perfect plan that YOU are your child's parent. The Lord would never sabotage your child's chance of salvation by giving them a parent which would destroy their chances of coming to Christ. In fact the opposite is true.
Be assured the Lord knew exactly what He was doing when He gave you the precious gift of your son or daughter. The Lord knows what has transpired in your life and the life of your prodigal. No matter how dismal or impossible the situation or circumstances may seem know this: our God is greater and His arm is NOT too short to be able to reach down and change your situation in the blink of an eye!
Be strong and be of good courage - the Lord is alive and He is listening and working on your behalf to answer your deepest, most heartfelt prayers. The Lord is more than able to save your prodigal, turn your child's heart around and do the impossible! Our Heavenly Father knows your pain and hears your cry. Hold fast to Him in spite of it all. Have faith and believe that He CAN and WILL answer your prayers! It may not be today, it may not be tomorrow. But it MAY be when you LEAST expect it! ~ Irene Bennett
